Halam'shivanas - Chapter 5

Ellana knocked on Solas's door, waiting impatiently for him to open it. The cold winds in the mountains had intensified as the evening had progressed and she shivered where she was standing. Having taken a bath before stepping outside might not have been her brightest idea, but she had needed time to think things over.

She had thought a lot about Cole. And Naida. And she had come to realize that she felt a similar pain in both of them, a pain that could resemble a desire to belong. The people of Haven had accepted Ellana soley on the fact that she was the Herald of Andraste, no matter how many times she had denied it. But Naida hadn't been so lucky and Ellana had heard more than one person whisper about that dirty knife-ear who had come with the sole purpose of corrupting their Herald. They hadn't taken into consideration Naida in some ways actually were the reason that she could cope with the whole religious thing.

She had a similar feeling with Cole, that he just wanted to belong. To be someone. He carried a sadness she couldn't put her finger on and it frustrated her. She wanted to help him, but she didn't know how.

Ellana didn't realize that Solas had opened the door so when he spoke her name she flinched, smiling sheepishly as she pulled her cloak tighter around her slender shoulders.

"I'm sorry to disturb you at this hour," she said softly, "but I think Naida said you wanted to see me?"

A relieved smile shadowed Solas's lips as he stepped aside and allowed her entry, closing the door behind her. "I'm glad to see you are well." he said and took her cloak, hanging over a chair. "You were gone for quite some time."

"Yes.." Ellana mumbled and hugged herself, despite the warmth that spread throughout the room. "It was quite an.. ordeal."

"Yes, I spoke with Cassandra shortly after your arrival." Solas studied her as she sat down on a fell by the hearth before offering her a glass of wine. "I also met Cole." he then added absent-mindedly, "An intruiging figure."

Ellana nodded slightly as she brought the glass to her lips and took a sip of its conent,"He was a great help." she replied quietly as she gazed into the fire. "I doubt I'd make it out alive without him."

Solas sat down next to her, studying her closely. "What happened?"

It was a simple question, asked because he feared what she had been through. Yet she didn't know what to say, how could she possibly describe the horrifying feeling that had settled in her stomach when she had witnessed what Envy had had in store for the Inquisition?

She glanced at him after a moments hesitation, sighing heavily as she placed the glass in front of her on the floor. "An Envy demon pulled me into.. my own head?" she grunted and rested her head in her right hand, "I know it sounds crazy, but it wanted to be me and it showed me what it was going to do with the Inquisition. Using it to murder and sow despair.."

Her voice trailed off and she could feel how Solas carefully reached out and took her hand. "I know it must have been a terrifying experience."

She nodded. "But do you want to know the strangest part of it all?"

"Only if you are comfortable telling me." Solas said and brushed his thumb along the back of her hand. It was a very soothing action and she smiled weakly.

"Apart from fearing that I'd never see my friends again, the only thing I could think of was that I'd never get the chance to apologize to Naida." Saying it out loud sent shivers down her spine and she pulled up her knees to her chest.

"Naida?" Solas asked in surprise. "What has she ever done to earn your apology?"

"She's my sister." Ellana snapped, but regreted her outburst almost immediately. "Did you know we are twins?" she asked then, "My hair was the same color as hers when I was born, but it became white as my magical talent grew. Our clan treated me differently because of that, claiming that I was sent from the Creators.. or some such."

Solas was quiet for a moment, then a light went on in his eyes as if he suddenly realized where she was going with her story. "You were put on a pedestal."

Ellana nodded. "Yes." She took her wine glass and took a sip, then absent-mindedly twirling the glass between her fingers. "I quickly got the same status as our Keeper while Naida was more or less forgotten. Our parents took care of her because it was their obligation, but it was evident that they didn't want her. Not really. I have spent my entire life shielded and revered.. even now, as 'Andraste's Herald', and yet people always blame Naida for being arrogant and jealous."

"You protect her." he said and looked at her, "You use your powers to protect her."

"Yes." Ellana put away the glass again, suddenly not knowing what to do with her hands. "I know that she know, deep down, that I'm trying to help her. I just don't think she knows how to deal with it."

Solas nodded absent-mindedly and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting her rest her head against his shoulder. "Is there not a saying," he asked, "that says that blood is thicker than water?"

Ellana smiled weakly, "I've heard that too." she replied, "Although, it doesn't seem to describe my family."

"Give it time," Solas said softly. "maybe she will realize this too one day."

"I hope you are right, Solas." Ellana mumbled as she looked into the fire. "I so hope you are right."